


Scared

by joeyrz



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Episode Related, Episode: s01e01 Pilot, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-09-15
Updated: 2001-09-15
Packaged: 2017-10-17 07:52:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/174572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joeyrz/pseuds/joeyrz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inner demons are a bitch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scared

The wood is smooth, tanned and dry. It’s not heavy in my hand, but not light either. It feels like it was meant to be there.

I clutch it close to me, it’s point facing outwards and I huddle momentarily next to a pillar. The place is not safe, I know that. It’s never been safe, but I know that now better than ever before.

He looks at me, stands too close, closer than ever before. And I’m scared. So scared. I know what it is. I know what it wants. It’s simple enough. Me. My blood. My death.

I’m scared, so very, very scared, but I’m trying not to show it. I’m trying to be strong alpha male I’ve always wanted to be. My parents have always wanted me to be.

But I can’t. Because it’s not just any vampire. I know him. I’ve known him since we were kids playing in the sandbox. Where we took turns pretending we were Superman and Jimmy Olson. And Willow as Lois Lane.

I’m scared. Scared of the demon that was my best friend, scared that he’ll kill me. Afraid that I’ll have to kill him.

But the option is taken away from me. A hysteric teen runs by us and pushes him – onto the stake I’m still holding. I never realized wood was so strong, so sharp, so deadly. I feel it, the wood breaking his skin, tearing the muscle, passing easily between the ribs and that last little bit of resistance, until it punctures the unbeating heart. I feel it all through my hand, up my arm, into my chest and reverberating in my heart.

And I look up, into his eyes for one split second, and I see the hurt, the betrayal, the pain, the uncertainty of his fate and the recognition of the emotions showing in my face. The total despair, the shock, the pain and the love I had for him.

And as that second turns into two, my best friend is no longer there, only an explosion of dust to prove he ever really existed.

And the pain, the pain is so much. So much that I throw my head back and scream in denial!

~*~*~

“Pet! Xanluv, wake up!”

Spike sat up and started rubbing his hand over his lover’s back, as he tried to get Xander to face him.

“Are you okay, Pet?”

Xander moved as in slow motion into the safety of his lover’s arms and started to sob into his chest.

Spike laid back down, pulling Xander half on top of him, rearranging the younger man’s head so it rested on his shoulder.

“Xan?”

When Xander answered it wasn’t anything more than a muffled whisper, but Spike heard him.

“i love you... i promise i'll never hurt you. never ever. never leave me. i love you so much.”

“I love you too, Xan. I love you too.” Spike sighed and kissed Xander’s temple.

End


End file.
